What's "Love"? - Rediscovered Self-ishness

Radical thoughts. 
On Love. 
On Selfishness. 
Continue reading only if you are brave enough to listen to a radical thought. 

The one very over-rated emotion in today's world is Love. Be it romantic or platonic. In fact, according to me, the core of both romantic and platonic love is one and the same. Plain affection. Because of plain selfishness.

Now, when I say this, I would see many a scorn bumping towards my face. I say, selfishness is a very under-rated human character. Or may be, the least understood character. Self-ish, like child-ish, brown-ish and other '-ishes', it's just another quality, which every speck in this Universe possesses.

Why does the Sun burn Hydrogen and Helium in its core? Or, why does the Sun exist? Isn't it because of it's own Self? Wouldn't it be inappropriate and utterly foolish of us to say, "The Sun shines for Us, it is there for Us!" How parochial can parochialism get? If it were the case that the Sun is existing for Us, our end should mark its end, shouldn't it? Because if the Sun doesn't have any other innate reason for being 'alive', other than 'for Us', why would God waste his time and energy creating and maintaining the Sun? 

Isn't it existing for itself? And whatever benefits we are deriving out of it, logically speaking, aren't they wholly subsidiary? Let me put this in another way. The Sun has been in existence even before Homo Sapiens came into being. This proves the point that, neither is the Sun shining FOR US, nor are we living FOR THE SUN.

But I had to write about Love right? Right. But, I find Love and Selfishness so intricately and inseparably connected, that without proving the point that Selfishness is the Fundamental Nature of every Speck in this Universe, I would fail to make my point about Love.

Now, I would like to define 'Selfishness' before I am shooed off as just another self-contained egotistic moron. According to me, self-ishness is the quality of being there for one self, without feeling any need for searching or having any external reason, for existence, for eating, for reading, for travelling, for loving, for caring, for being kind, for being happy, for wanting peace, for shunning war, for anything and everything. Yes, this is selfishness according to me. Because, I am happy because I am selfish. I am not selfish because I am happy. Hope you get the difference.

Same is the case with everything else. I eat because I live for my-self, I eat not because I do not want to hurt others, hence I am selfish. Come on, no one eats not to hurt others! It's absurd. Hence, selfishness is not.
I love because it concerns my-self. Does this mean love is innately selfish? Isn't this proposition dangerously hurtful?!

Such rebellious interpretation of self-ishness is a strict no-no in this world, right? After all, we are the great civilized people, who give speeches on the vices of selfishness, unmindful of the disposition of the listener towards us! This brings me down to the simplest of all the questions: Why do we speak? Isn't it because we want others to listen to us? Why do we want others to listen to us? We just want to be heard. Why? Why? "Man is a social animal", said Aristotle. Don't forget, in the end, an animal. Social because, we like socializing. Why do we like socializing? To meet people. Why? To know people. Why? Tat tvam asi. It all burns down to this wonderful aphorism said thousands of years ago.

Self-ishness is, thus, at the core of everything. Why does the air have to be everywhere? It is self-ish. Preserving self-hood. This blog, reading it superficially, may sound very annoying, irritating, illogical and crazy. I agree. But, the proposition here is of redefining, or I better say, re-discovering what self-ishness exactly is. And thus, what Love actually is.

Self-lessness, according to me, is unknown to Nature. "Mother's Love is the most self-less Love". I disagree.  Say "mother's love is the most unconditional, and the most pure", I whole-heartedly agree, but it's definitely not "self-less", for one very simple reason: Without her-'self', how can a mother love? It is through this 'self' of hers, that she unconditionally pours in her love to her children. Hence, it is through this innate quality of her being self-ish, that she is the Goddess of Pure and Unconditional Love.

Because Self is the core of every Creation on this Earth, Self-ishness can't be divorced from Creation. A Tree is also Self-ish. It is through this Self-ishness that it shades us, soothes us. And we rest under the tree, because we are self-ish, born with the innate, indestructible character of always wanting to protect and preserve our-'selves'. 

Hence, what's Love?

Love is NOT the lack of self-ishness. No self-ishness, No Life; No Life, No Love. No Love, No Universe. 

Love is infact Self-ishness redefined, or, as I said, Self-ishness rediscovered. Practicing a healthy form of Self-ishness is what love is all about. Too much of anything is definitely too bad. Not only for itself, but for everything in and around it. Same is the case with Love. 

Love wanting to destroy Self-ishness, destroys itself. Love attempting to go self-less, wrings itself to death. Nature and its Self-ishness can never be questioned. We are what we are, and things are what they are, because Nature is Self-ish. It is what it is. And hence, it is. 

Tat tvam asi.


  1. Thanks for the blog, it makes a good reading. However, seems a bit mixed up. Not because of the interpretation of what is being selfish. I think that the concept of 'existing' & 'self fulfillment' are mixed up with being selfish.

    In ancient Indian philosophy it is clearly explained that 'our selves - Atman' are very important or even most important things in the universe and first you will have to conquer your own self, all desires, get fulfillment and only then you can transcend to being 'self-less'. Conquer is bit important here as it begins your journey to move away from all that you desire and 'controls' self. That is away from being 'selfish'' don't you think ( as per the definition of being selfish here in the blog). Why conquer your own self and desires? Otherwise at one point of time, there is nothing left! Except, downward spiral of being a 'Bhogi' & decadent! Unabated Self fulfillment leads to destruction and hence, it seems to be contrary to selfishness.

    On the other hand 'existing' and 'living' will mean that we continue to perform acts that make it meaningful and enjoyable. This comes so close to being 'selfish' or not. Nature mandates survival! Human kind constantly tries to struggle and defy 'jungle law' for existing. So my friend, we have a further debate on our hand about civilization where you will rise above the self and existing where each person is for her/his own!

    I have a few thoughts on people wanting to or proclaiming to work for charity of others! But, that is for another time!

    Thanks for a thought provoking blog!

  2. Reminds me of a high school 'thought for the day'-"Love is the most selfish of all the passions"(3 musketeers??)...Our duty to serve our own souls is blanketly branded as "selfishness"- a trait which is societally inferior but at an individual level 'you are that' and u r hunky dory wid it..That epistemology of introspection we conveniently lack is costing us the elbow room to call a spade a spade. Selfishness is easily one of many undervalued 'virtue'.We seem to have forgotten dat 'Self ' is the cornerstone of human evolution , the reason of our being and it deserves its due in our treatment.
    If my friends are to be believed, love is that state of being selfish,not of sacrifice,where it is in ur own happiness u need d person u love to be happy.( I mean really..!!??). Even though i cudn hold back my laughter, It is tempting to believe that.But do dey have ny idea of d gravity wat dey uttered carried?? debatable. But now that im watchin n judging them frm a place where archimedes wud have lifted d earth, I feel they r being as blind as a bat.But its really beautiful if what they believe turn out to be true when it happens to me. Stay selfish n be proud abt it


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