Yet again here I am, at one of India's booming cities, trying to 'make my life', just like everyone else who comes to cities like this do, or try to do.
There is a peculiar glamour attached to this place, with all its dirt, dust and pollution (both intrinsic and extrinsic, if you know what I mean). Feeling at home, amidst millions of people alien to you, now that's something which gives you the chill of the winters amidst the warmth of the sun. Never had I imagined I would frequent this place so often, and never had I been able to comprehend the way this city would shape me.
The first day of my internship I came here, I was lost in this familiar sea of wilderness (a beautiful irony which has held me hostage). One word which I could muster to describe this city that day - madness! Now, madness is good or bad, you decide! For me, this madness is quite heady! It's exciting and it gives me a high. What kinda high?
A surging inspiration and aspiration to raise my bars, to achieve something in my life, to run, and to keep running - this is what Bangalore has taught me over the years. But, how fast should I run? This, I do not want to learn from my similarly placed acquaintances in the city, nor from the city itself. Because, as Grisham in The Street Lawyer says, The faster you run, the harder you fall. Now how fast is fast is totally relative. I am running, and will definitely keep doing it, as comforts me, and within my existential limits.
Running the "rat race"?
#1: I am not a "rat" to run the "rat race".
#2: Just because I am running, doesn't mean I am into a ":race".
#3: Even if I am assumed to be in some race, it need not necessarily be with/against others.
Lessons learnt the fast-track way
It's too tempting an impulse to be ignored, when I find myself eager to compile the lessons Bangalore has taught me. Being responsible, being strong, and fiercely independent, being calm, and being a person who smiles often, are the many "be-ings" which I have learnt here. Not that I did not know these simple things when at my place, but, this place, is like a practical ground for me to test my lessons seemingly 'learnt'. Otherwise, my place is like an eternally blissful hill station, where you just be, you just are, happy, contented with whatever you have.
Dealing with these opposite alter egos of social realities is exciting and challenging, if not tiring. I have truly come to love the social dynamics resulting from the existential differences between the two places - my home town and my 'heart' town!
Is this an attempt to just rationalize my tumultuous thought processes? Or, is this just a meaningless rant, trying to understand what's happening? Both Yes and No.
One can never fully assimilate the depths of one's thoughts, for, they are the pious manifestations of the Almighty Himself. I may not have been truly successful in driving home the point which I intended to make. But, as always, the God in me, and you, understood what was meant to be understood.