So, it's been around one month and a half, approximately, since my final year results have been declared, and I have barely managed to be counted in the ilks of the few number of students from my class who have scored a 'First Class'. (Do not be mistaken by this 'Class'ification of students. It doesn't necessarily reflect upon the knowledge gained (by me). It's just a meaningless number that would be printed on my degree certificate, due to which I might earn some appreciation here and there, with some people still commenting that I could have done better, I could have gotten a distinction.) Anyway, we had been told that the Convocation (Aww!) would happen in the last week of September or the first week of October. But then, as was expected, no signs of any Convocation being held any time soon are to be seen.
After pretending to be seriously involved in the study of law for five lawwwwnngg years, I have finally gotten out of the role play I had been doing. I remember, during the last few days I spent at law school, I was so glad that the stay at the place that I had much hated was coming to an end. I had earnestly dreamt of the day when I would get out of the place, my law school, when I would be all to myself, doing all the mundane things of my life all by myself, by finally owning up my life, all by myself. I had waited for the excitement to begin.
And, alas, the excitement did begin, and it has left me dumbfounded till date! :-p I had landed up a job for myself during the last semester of my law school itself (and I had felt immensely proud of myself for this 'achievement'!) and that, in the city of my (nay, everyone's) dreams, Mumbai! I had been thoroughly excited, with eyes filled with dreams of conquering the corporate world with my hard work and talent and skills (whatever I thought they were!) and yes, L-O-L for this out-of-my-mind-dream. Sometimes, I start wondering, why the heck did I choose the field that I had both dreaded and hated for all the five years at law school! What was going on in my mind? I remember, though I very well knew that there are students far well-versed than me in that subject, I had this desire to learn, without prejudices against the subject. I wanted to immerse myself in the subject, in the world of commerce and finance (This, in spite of the fact that I have hated Maths and everything related to it ever since I have been born on this planet).
Ambitious though I was, fortunately enough, I couldn't sustain myself in the job for more than two months. In these two months, I had lost my mind, my sleep, my appetite, my money (Mumbai is freakingly expensive), my urge to indulge in creative activities, my energy, my enthusiasm and my spirit. With so many things I had lost, I always used to find myself longing desperately to get back home ASAP. I found myself in a pathetic situation. So many new things were happening for the first freaking time in my life, including the kind of work I was supposed to do, and the pressure and pace of all that was just too much to be bearable for me. I call it quits at last, and returned home, by making one thing very clear to myself: I shall never work in a corporate setup ever in my life. This because, I had realised that it just wasn't for me. I had forced myself into it. But I realised that I shouldn't have to force myself into anything in my life, and it perfectly is okay not to have all the answers in life. I am grateful that I did not find the grapes bitter, without even tasting them.
But then, why did I force myself? Was it money? Mumbai? The urge to explore a world wholly different from the one I have known and lived in? The desire to be 'independent' in its truest sense? The determination to break free? Insecurity? Plain random madness?Anything more which my mind hasn't been able to comprehend till date? May be it was all of this. I wanted to go in an alien land, and wage a war. Totally, unmindful of whether the war was meant for me, whether I had chosen the correct war, whether I had learnt the art and science of warfare, or whether I had correctly and accurately assessed and known my enemy at the first instance!
So this whole act of going to Mumbai and returning therefrom has been a result, more of a jerky decision-making and immaturity. And, why am I blogging about it? I could just have penned my thoughts down in a personal diary and gotten over with the rant. Why make the reader suffer? Well, I write so that people read, and I enjoy writing so that people read, rather than writing things all for myself. There is no thrill in writing things in secret.
So now that I am back home, learning things the way I had wanted to, living life the way I had wanted to, it's time I should stop complaining about the silly little things in life which are meant only to be ignored, meant only to be heard, and not to be listened to, by the ears of the body and mind both.
The experience of life after graduation thus far has been filled with rich lessons, both professionally and personally, and I am grateful for everything that has happened!
P.S.: I realised that today is Eid. Eid Mubarak everyone! :)